I was talking with a dear friend and she asked me about a friendship of mine that had ended long ago. She had many questions and as I spoke about the experiences of that relationship, I could feel a tightening in my chest. “That’s odd,” I thought, “This was years ago.” But in that moment, answering those questions, it felt like the events I was describing had happened just last month. Well, not exactly last …
Over the past few months, the weight of expectations has been a frequent topic in conversations with family and friends, and in my own thinking, journaling, and choices. Each of us has a very personal relationship with the many expectations in our lives — our expectations of ourselves, what we expect from others and, of course, what we believe other people expect from us. Can expectations be positive? Of course! My parents had expectations that …
I am so blessed to spend much of my time each week listening to, or reading, the stories that women share during calls, in emails, in virtual meetings, and on SayItForward.org. Every woman’s story inspires me and I learn from them all. Every single one. A theme that has been central in many recent stories and conversations is not a new topic, but one that I am certain requires re-examination before this year comes to …
I never met Marlene, but her words landed in my heart with a resounding WHOOSH! Her message reached me in an unexpected way, as I walked in a beautiful wildlife refuge. Before stepping on the trail, I set an intention for this walk – that I be open to and grateful for the messages that I would receive from Nature as I walked. The fact that it was a cold, damp and windy day meant …
Over the past two weeks, I have spoken with three of my dearest friends who, like so many other people now, are feeling “weighed down” by events in their country and in the world. What further complicates their situations is that these dear friends are people to whom others go when they need support and encouragement. In their unique way, these friends help others reconnect with the hope, strength, and optimism needed to continue helping …
To The Bright Lights in The World… Including YOU!💫 Read More »
You generously give your love, time, attention, empathy and, of course, your thoughtful advice to family, friends, colleagues, and others who ask for it. These people rely on you, and days or weeks later they circle back and thank you. Your advice was, is, and will continue to be invaluable to many. Why, then, do you — and I — forget to listen to our own best advice? I am always inspired by the people …
In many conversations over the past three weeks, I have felt the need and the responsibility to be hopeful, and to share messages of hope with others. This caused me to spend a considerable amount of time thinking about hope and exploring its power relative to one of my favorite topics – love. At the beginning of this exploration, hope seemed more ephemeral than love, more like a flickering flame that, when the wind blew, …
A very dear friend of mine is grappling with a situation that I have experienced many times in my own life. I suspect that you have faced this challenge, too, when someone you love is… … resisting some or all of the changes you are embracing in your life; … judging your personal growth or your evolving perspectives; … refusing to accept the version of who you are now and trying to hold on to …
Why, I wonder, are we reluctant to talk about our sadness? A recent conversation has prompted me to think about this question and to explore the relationship between joy and sadness in our lives. Many of us find it much easier to share our joy, to talk about why we are feeling joyful, while silencing our sadness. There may be many reasons for this choice, perhaps reflecting what we believe our sadness says about us …
I heard a familiar and persistent theme in five conversations or Zoom gatherings about various topics over the past three weeks. Five different women, from five different countries, voiced often unvoiced-but-deeply-felt sentiments about being enough and doing enough … … “I ask myself, ‘Have I done enough?’” … “Since I was a little girl, I have felt like I was not enough.” … “I know there is always more I can do. I just have …
You ARE enough, and you have ALREADY DONE enough! Read More »
Late in June, I committed to journaling for 21-days consecutive days, each entry beginning with the words “I release…”. Grief and sadness had been frequent companions that month, and I decided that writing about LETTING GO would help. Each day, I wrote about what I chose to release – FULLY release – that day. Sometimes I wrote just a few sentences and other times a page or two, and after several days I actually felt …
June was an emotionally challenging month for me. The “why” does not seem that important, other than to say that four events stirred up residual grief and sadness that I had repressed and tried to ignore. So, two weeks ago, I decided it was time to do something to explore the emotional aches hidden deep inside, and I committed to writing an “I release…” statement every day for twenty-one consecutive days. Here is what I …
It has become very clear to me over the years that when there is a lesson I am meant to learn, and I do not learn it, opportunities to do so present themselves again and again. The lesson that has been circling back to me recently is the one about overcommitting myself, especially in situations when someone asks me for help. Last month, a woman whom I respect asked a favor. She said that it …
Last month I was invited to speak to a group of young women about prioritizing self-care and well-being in their career. I began the talk with the often-repeated but generally discounted phrase that “self-care is not selfish” and then I followed with the thought that self-care is smart and strategic. Choosing to prioritize self-care is an important signal to ourselves that we matter, that our health matters, and that our well-being is an asset in …
I was about 5 years old, staring into a bassinet where a newborn baby was sound asleep. She was lying on her back and I was as mesmerized by her stillness as I was by her tiny hands. Soon, I became aware of someone standing behind me. It was not my Mom or one of my aunts because I knew that if it were, I would feel a hand on my shoulder or hear a …
A conversation I have many times throughout the week, every week, is one in which I am encouraging someone to practice self-love and self-care. I have this conversation so often because many, many women I know and some men I know, too, are much better at taking care of others than taking care of themselves. I understand completely, because I am also better at taking care of others. Over the past month, I have had …
This period of “staying home” has stretched from weeks to months, and many of us find ourselves in a world we barely recognize. The people we love are afraid or discouraged or angry or frustrated because their plans have been put “on hold” while we all try to navigate life in a quickly shifting world. That world has changed in ways most of us could not have imagined and we know that the future — …
How much easier our lives would be if we followed the advice we lovingly give to others. For many of us, this period of “staying home” has significantly limited our face-to-face time with family members who do not live with us, colleagues, and others who comprise our various communities. Time together is facilitated by technology and flexible schedules, and we are all supporting people who are afraid, or who feel alone, or who long for …
Well into my career, I was in a meeting with a great group of intelligent, successful and confident business leaders. I respected every one of them. They were all men. It was in that meeting room that I found the courage to say, finally, to one of the men who had just interrupted me, “Eric, I was actually going to finish that sentence.” (There was no Eric in the meeting, but I choose to protect …
There are important lessons at every twist and turn in my life, and often these are lessons I have been ignoring for years. Most recently, I have been focusing on expectations – how they affect me every day, and what I can learn from them. I have previously written posts about managing other people’s expectations* and about managing our own expectations** of what we believe we can or should do in a particular situation. There …
I believe in the healing power of love, in the transformation created in our lives when we allow ourselves to give and receive love with our hearts wide, wide open. Life events this year have led me to examine more closely the various aspects of love, and to feel love even more intensely. In the process, I have been exploring forgiveness, an aspect of unconditional love that is sometimes overlooked. We may lose sight of …
A recent trip has me thinking a lot about the expression “Things are looking up.” This is not a phrase I ever use myself because, like other optimists, I usually find glimmers of hope in challenging situations. In the past few weeks, two things happened that have shifted my perspective to one of even greater optimism, and have given me an appreciation for the practice of literally looking up. For nearly six months, our family …
My dear friend Emma* is making a career switch and has been interviewing for jobs in fields that have long interested her. In describing the process, she told me that one perspective employer had her “jumping through hoops” with continually changing requirements. After our call, I thought a lot about Emma’s use of that particular expression and about how most people I know, including me, are jumping through hoops on a daily basis. Often, we …
We know that forgiveness is a central tenet of all relationships. Our willingness to apologize, or to accept someone else’s apology, acknowledges and accepts the occasional or frequent missteps in our daily interactions with others. In recent months I have been thinking about the importance of forgiveness, of how it shapes our day-to-day experiences. I have been paying closer attention to situations in which people apologize, and especially to the words they use to express …
The first time I watched two talented performers dance the tango, I was mesmerized by the precision of their movements and the rapidity with which they changed direction. Anger is like that for me. Not there at all and then, in an instant, staring me in the face. My experiences with personal anger are much rarer than they once were, partly as a result of years of meditation training and partly from the related exploration …
Early in my career, I worked with an abrasive man who was almost always angry at me. He was angry at everything I represented as a woman in the workplace, and furious enough to raise his voice whenever he spoke to me. But it is not his anger that made a lasting impression on me, it is a simple expression of his, one that has served me well since. In a meeting with this man, …
A recent interaction with a young mom has me thinking a great deal about our reflexive reluctance to accept even the simplest form of help when it is offered. My brief exchange with this woman made a lasting impression. Dave and I had walked into town for lunch and as we approached our destination, I noticed a young woman pushing an old-fashioned, larger-than-usual baby carriage. The woman was walking towards us and when she was …
I was standing at the kitchen sink washing a pan when I thought I saw something sparkling just above my line of sight. Looking up and out the window, I noticed drops of water falling from the garage roof as the recent snowfall melted in the afternoon sun. Nothing special. Melting snow. As I looked down at the soapy pan in my hand, something told me to glance up again. The sun had just peaked …
We celebrate Valentine’s Day by telling others how much we love them, and it is a wonderful tradition. We want people to know how much they mean to us, how much we love and appreciate them. This year, in the flurry of red hearts, flowers and sweets, we have the opportunity to rethink this holiday that celebrates love. Here are two suggestions that may make this Valentine’s Day your best in years, and maybe even …
Most of us welcome a New Year and the opportunity to focus on what we love about our life and also on what could be better. New Year’s resolutions offer a tool to begin re-creating our life by defining and pursuing what we truly want and deserve. In some aspects of our life, all we need is a bit of fine-tuning, while other aspects may require major revamping. Much has been written about how effective …
