It’s a sad and lazy Sunday afternoon and I have just watched a quick, angry summer storm drop heavy rain and snap branches that now clutter my yard. As the rain poured down I thought, “Nature is weeping with me today. Weeping for those who have gone.” In the past week, two young, vital and vibrant colleagues died suddenly, leaving family and friends stunned, bewildered and grief-stricken. I cannot make sense of these tragedies or explain them. I am not meant to.
It seemed ironic to me that these two deaths came during a week in which I had been focusing on celebrating the magic of everyday life. Sitting with a mug of tea this past Monday night, I had written the e-mail invitation to a monthly Women’s Circle that I host. The invitation began this way…”Last week, walking from a meeting in one building to another across the street, I nearly rushed by a group of rose bushes. Somewhere in my head a voice said, “Stop!” And when I bent to smell these wonderfully fragrant flowers I realized that this moment was the highlight of my day, a happy surprise that I had almost missed. How many times in any week do we buzz by the roses in our life?”
Today I am finding it difficult to experience the roses in my life because I am much more focused on the thorns. That is my choice, of course, and I am trying to be patient with myself as I work through my feelings of grief and loss. I understand that while the unexpected deaths of my two colleagues sparked these feelings, they are connected to deep-seated fears of losing the people I love the most in this world. Losing them in an instant, without time to say goodbye.
I do not know how I will sort through all of this, but I do know that I can walk outside right now, stand beside the one rose bush that has survived in my shady yard, and acknowledge its beauty and perfection. And when I hear a bird sing her beautiful song, I can be deeply, deeply grateful for the magic of this day and for all the people I love – those whom I will see again, and those whose memory I honor in writing this today.
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Post Script: I shut down my computer and left for dinner. It began to rain again and after a few minutes in the restaurant, I looked out to see the sun shining while the rain continued to fall. I hurried outside and there it was – a magnificent double rainbow reconfirming the magic of everyday life.